I can still remember the day I met Sarah for the first time. She was a baby all swaddled up in a stroller waiting on the annual Magnolia Christmas Parade to start. I was a young 15 year old girl there with my Aunt Maggie who happens to be one of Sarah's mom Carrie's longest friends. The thing I remember the most about her is that she was she was a little freckled angel. So many freckles, so beautiful and so quiet. At the time I had no I idea how this Angel would impact my life.
A few years went by and I was asked to babysit Sarah and her oh so indepedent little brother Josh during the summer while Carrie was at work. I had babysat them before but only a hour or two here and there. Anyway, I jumped on the chance. I was a teenager and of course I would, spending money anyone? Right away Carrie, Care Bear as I call her, and I hit it off. She never treated me like a kid and for this I have always been incredibly thankful. I had heard all about how Sarah has seizures but it wasn't a part of my daily life so it was easy to ignore, dismiss probably being the correct term. When your young it's a shame to say that you tend to only care about those things that directly impact you and those things alone. At the time Sarah's world and mine were vastly seperated.
Before I babysat Carrie asked me to come over and hang out, get to know the kids daily routine and explain Sarah's condition, known as epilepsy, to me. I did go over and listened to everything she told me, her seizures at the time were more of a space out thing. I was told how to recognize one and I was also told about a shot that could be used if need be. I was overwhelmed but hopeful that I would never see one take place. Looking at her you'de never know that she was any diffrent from me or you for that matter. She was/is full of life and an old soul. Like I said I listened and made up my mind that I could do this, I could and would care for this angel and her brother.
The first couple of days or weeks, long enough for me to feel 100% confident that she would never have a seizure on my watch, everything went off without a hitch. Josh was always outside, no joke the moment the sun came up that boy was outdoors making something or tinkering with something, however always aware of Sarah and at times acting like a protective older brother and Sarah being the girly girl that she is was always wanting to play dolls or makeup. She was always at my side. It wasn't long before, probably only seconds really, that I fell madly inlove with these two babies. I adored them and still do even though they are young teens now. This is the part that I tell you my world opened up and I realized that sometimes things just happen.
I can't tell you exactly what happened as in what we were doing or how that day had been prior to her seizure. Carrie had told me that morning that Sarah had been showing signs but I just kept her a bit closer than usual and went about the day as normally as I always have. For me not being the Mom and having never seen a seizure before it wasn't as easy to anticipate. I do remember Sarah coming into the living room and sitting down. I recall how her eyes were looking all the way up to the left and how she wouldn't respond to me speaking to her asking if she was okay. I kinda panicked. Josh came in at that exact moment and something about him walking in sobered me up. I was watching these two babies, they were in my care and I WOULD handle this. I called Carrie about the same time that Sarah started crying. I remember it making such an impact on me that this little girl, who has had so many of these attacks, was so scared and overwhelmed with what had just happened to her. Carrie spoke with Sarah and she calmed down a bit and then got me back on the phone and told me that Sarah would want to sleep and to let her but wake her up every once in awhile. It wasn't long before Carrie came home and I was so happy to see her walk in. Care Bear is called Care Bear for a reason. She is so strong, incredibly strong and I have no hesitation in saying I aim to be more like her everyday.
To say that I was terrified was an understatement. This wasn't about me anymore. How could this be fair? Why Sarah? Would this be, is this her life? How was Carrie so strong? How was Josh so strong? Most importantly how was Sarah this strong? It all seemed and still seems so unfair, so surreal, unbelievable.
Sarah has had two seizures during my watch. One that summer and then another one a year or so later. I don't think that it will ever become easy for me to experience but this story isn't about me, it's about a family that endures more than I will ever know. This is the only life they know, will ever know. It's about an angel named Sarah who has epilepsy and still manages to greet every morning with a smile.
Sarah gives the best hugs, infact I teased her about them last weekend. She will hug you, put her arms around you and squeeze until it hurts. She is beautiful and giving, kind and funny. More grown up than most sixteen year old girls and yet so much more vunerable that any other girl her age.
She did have a surgery a few years back that removed scar tissue from her frontal lobe and although everyone was hopeful that it would cure her seizures it has actually come to pass that she is having more and more with each passing year. They have become more violent as well. It has recently been suggested that she undergo a second operation but she doesn't want it. The first one was horrible for her and no amount of time or seizures will ever make her forget it. Besides that the side affects of this surgery pose such a risk. She could lose her ability of speech. So no second surgery for Sarah but there is still hope in the future and the future is a dog that can alert and get help when, because there is no if, she has a seizure.
Above I said my world changed during that summer, and although it took me a few years to realize it, it did. Sarah taught me to live the life I am given with gusto. That if she can face the world with such strength surely I can to. That sometimes things just happen and it's not the situation that shows your character but what you make of that situation. Sarah has a purpose in her life and for me it's showing that life is precious and that you always have to live it.
If I had enough money to buy her her freedom I would. I would give everything I own for this young lady to be allowed to live a life without seizures and a "normal" life. (What is a normal life anyway?) I am asking for your help, for your kindness and your understanding. Let's come together and help her buy Belle.
I love you Sarah,
Megan
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